Ramblings and Reflections

It seems I haven’t written anything for this blog in a while.

I have the worst of all reasons. I’ve been in a slump. Yes, an unproductive, self-pitying, paralyzing slump. I suppose it happens to the best freelancers as some point or another. At least, I hope it does. I’ve done little writing. What has managed to emerge from pen and PC has been gut wrenching and, well…blah.

I have been thinking, though. Sometimes I think too much. Yes, sometimes I need less thinking and more writing! Some of this particular thinking has gelled some productive results for me, though.

Ever since blogging on Christina Katz’s purity of intention prompt, I’ve been noodling that idea in my foggy little head. What are my intentions? What drives me? Where do I want to be in a year…five years…ten years…twenty? What things, if I never accomplish them, will leave me bitterly regretful?

As a result of all that introspection, I’ve come up with three areas I absolutely want to pursue.

1. Fiction. Fiction is my first love both in reading and writing. Fiction, more than any other writing form, sets my nerves tingling and my blood humming. It gives me an emotional high that few other things in life instill. Yet, in my everyday routine, it is the writing form that most often falls to the bottom of my to-do list.
2. Devotional. My faith defines who I am; it’s only natural to share that with readers. I’ve delved a little into devotional writing on my Lessons from the Shadowland blog. It’s tough going as I realize more and more how little I actually know or understand, but I’ve realized it’s something I want to continue, to dig deeper into my faith and cause others to do the same.
3. Child Lit. I started out with one random picture book idea that seemed good (and has been dismissed by six agents so far). Once the floodgates were opened, though, I saw that there might be more than one, or even two, picture books in me. I’m now polishing a second text before seeking representation and roughing out a third. I love reading with my two-year-old, and I think I have my own stories to share with her…and with children everywhere.
   

The big question that remains is whether I should concentrate on making headway in these three areas exclusively or whether I need to continue with other projects—marketing, editing, tips and how-tos—in order to pay the bills while I slowly plod along toward my dreams.

Question status: asked but unanswered.

Personal Perspective: Purity of Intention

Last week in The Prosperous Writer, Christina Katz wrote about purity of intention. I confess that I was going to let this writing prompt slip by. I told myself I was too busy. I told myself I was too tired from being sick and taking care of a sick toddler. I told myself it’s gelato season, and I just have to realize I don’t have as much time to write right now. Then I realized I was actually scared.

I realized that not because of what Christina Katz wrote (insightful as it was), but because of a blog response by T. L. Cooper on her blog, Write with TLC.

I’d like you to follow that link and read the whole post. In case you don’t, though, here’s a snippet that grabbed me.

As I begin to look at where I spend my time and energy, I feel a little disappointed in myself. Over the years I’ve taken on more and more responsibility because I feel like I have to. I feel like it’s expected of me. I feel like I “owe” it to other people. I agree to help friends and acquaintances even when it interferes with my goals. I agree to take on one more chore or run one more errand to make my husband’s life easier. I agree to add one more thing to my day because “it’ll only take 5 minutes.”

I don’t know if this is a common human malady…or common to women…or common to wives and mothers. Whatever the case, the desire to please other people has always driven far more of my actions than it should. The result is that I am in constant motion yet rarely feel I’ve gained anything in my struggle to be a writer.

After reading Christina’s post earlier this week, I pulled out my submission tracking sheet and took a look at it. The kick to my gut was that I haven’t actually submitted anything since June. WHAT!?!? JUNE?!?! When, how, why did that happen? I know I’ve been doing. In fairness to myself, I’ve been churning out marketing materials for clients. That was never where I wanted to focus, though. So, again, what happened?

The problem is that my purity of intention has slipped…a lot.

Cooper also talks about spending too much time with people who drain her creativity. I meet--and live with--far more creativity suckers than creativity boosters. Personally, my father has always been a creativity-sucker of nearly mythic proportions. Living under the same roof with him, even as a 32-year-old wife and mother, establishes a constant dampening effect on both my energy and creativity. (After all, wouldn’t enough “get a real job” hints get to anyone after a while?)

Okay, so I mentioned that I was scared to tackle this subject. Yes, just plain chicken-livered. That's because, deep down, I realized I'd lost my purity of intention. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. We usually have to face our fears in order to deal with them, though. That's true whether you have a a fear of spiders or a lack of purity!

I don’t know what to do about creativity-sucking relations. I do now realize that I need to dig out and refocus my own intentions and purify them until they’re crystal clear and sparkly-clean. If I want to be a marketing copywriter, my energy goes there. If I want to own a gelato business, I need to focus on that. If I want to write articles, that’s what I need to do. If I want to write novels, I need to spend time with my plot and characters. Will one help with the other? Maybe. If not, out it needs to go. Easier to say than do, of course. A fact, nonetheless.

At this point, I’m so mired in non-writing obligations and commitments, I can’t even see my way clear to get shed of them. With some work and clarity and prayer, though, I may have an answer soon.

I’ll keep you posted.